I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
