After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
