Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I AM VODKA MAN
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
