great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
