One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
