I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize