You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
