I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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