dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
