he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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