the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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