Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
