You're completely useless in the revolution.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
