ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Houston, we have a blender
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
