I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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