Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
