my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
