just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
