He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
