she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize