I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
