ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
