His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
