My brain says no but my pants say off.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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