but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
