I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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