When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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