My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
