one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
