my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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