I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
