I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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