I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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