I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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