Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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