Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize