Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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