So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
