Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just found puke in my bra..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
