Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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