I wish I could punch you in the face.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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