I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
