girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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