He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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