there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
