lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
