do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
