He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
