I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
