she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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