What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
