I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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