Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he shaved USA in his pubs
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
