That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
