Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
