sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
