If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
