Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
