JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
