someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize