I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
