You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
