btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
