Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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