Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You have to summon your inner elephant
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
