Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
