I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
