woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
