I want to have your abortion
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Randomize
