He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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