We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
