apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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