We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize