imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
