and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
