Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
