Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
