well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
