You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
