Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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