why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
