I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
