On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
the raccoons are back...
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