Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
