We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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