i wish there were pregnant emoticons
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
