I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He passed out mid-signature
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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