3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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