You really coming over, don't trick.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My cat gives me a boner
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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